Texts From Last Night

allthepokemanz's Favorites Texts:

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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

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  (575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him. http://tfl.nu/rbp8
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

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  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7560) Bad night (962)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

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  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
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  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

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  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14433) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.

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  (919): I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process. (1-919): Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/dsex
  Replies (3) Good night (4227) Bad night (744)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5226) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4687) Bad night (531)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8781) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Howd you meet this guy?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.

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  (313): Howd you meet this guy? (612): I found him next to my pants on sunday morn. http://tfl.nu/y9t4
  Replies (6) Good night (5578) Bad night (1843)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

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  (508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju
  Replies (35) Good night (7371) Bad night (882)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

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  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5482) Bad night (807)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

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  (607): Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles http://tfl.nu/47mn
  Replies (16) Good night (5170) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66809) Bad night (3032) Order T-Shirt
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255

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  (567): i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255 http://tfl.nu/6ybk
  Replies (11) Good night (3423) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

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  (773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8
  Replies (14) Good night (863) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

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  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6284) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again

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  (617): you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again http://tfl.nu/3f6n
  Replies (10) Good night (5536) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it

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  (843): just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it http://tfl.nu/dhcg
  Replies (42) Good night (5031) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf

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  (208): Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf http://tfl.nu/yxjw
  Replies (6) Good night (3640) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better

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  (907): frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better http://tfl.nu/58yp
  Replies (31) Good night (5502) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
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  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

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  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35588) Bad night (976)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

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  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8651) Bad night (803)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

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  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17941) Bad night (902)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59276) Bad night (7159) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad

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  (608): you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad http://tfl.nu/bx6b
  Replies (9) Good night (3743) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.

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  (937): Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed. http://tfl.nu/c6ek
  Replies (8) Good night (2724) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

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  (636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k
  Replies (11) Good night (5476) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

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  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (3950) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue

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  (319): The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue http://tfl.nu/hmo2
  Replies (23) Good night (8007) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it

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  (773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it http://tfl.nu/9cts
  Replies (37) Good night (11246) Bad night (672)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

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  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (62101) Bad night (2292) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

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  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
  Replies (41) Good night (7528) Bad night (2102) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober

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  (571): Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober http://tfl.nu/ny6e
  Replies (22) Good night (5851) Bad night (1068)