A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
