I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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