Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Your dad touched me again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor