Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids