This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
