I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
