YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks