She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.