If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.