I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.