Texts From Last Night

snybny's Favorites Texts:

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.

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  (610): she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners. http://tfl.nu/yd21
  Replies (3) Good night (730) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner

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  (813): Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner http://tfl.nu/zbhu
  Replies (5) Good night (705) Bad night (148) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.

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  (906): We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad. http://tfl.nu/iebd
  Replies (10) Good night (1641) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him

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  (801): NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him http://tfl.nu/eloy
  Replies (7) Good night (1535) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time

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  (517): Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time http://tfl.nu/cfap
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

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  (541): I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall. http://tfl.nu/64r1
  Replies (7) Good night (4138) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That d should have definitely been an s.

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  (614): I just watched my mom get dick on Skype. (614): That d should have definitely been an s. http://tfl.nu/dkna
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (498)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.

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  (503): Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it. http://tfl.nu/rbw2
  Replies (4) Good night (1184) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.

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  (307): We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying. http://tfl.nu/19ej
  Replies (2) Good night (1263) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

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  (313): You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink http://tfl.nu/6677
  Replies (7) Good night (1536) Bad night (214)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

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  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (41) Good night (7981) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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  (917): Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night? http://tfl.nu/29mg
  Replies (11) Good night (3642) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

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  (773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g
  Replies (9) Good night (2085) Bad night (481)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

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  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (5184) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

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  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3587) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring gay.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.

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  (250): Bring gay. (250): By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay. http://tfl.nu/xg2s
  Replies (3) Good night (1921) Bad night (372)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dinner?

  (713): View more from Texas

  YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!

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  (281): Dinner? (713): YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!! http://tfl.nu/zi0g
  Replies (2) Good night (1386) Bad night (393)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!

  (940): View more from Texas

  HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.

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  (940): My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!! (940): HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT. http://tfl.nu/347l
  Replies (8) Good night (1929) Bad night (672)
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  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (2965) Bad night (427)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

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  (972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2729) Bad night (597)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

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  (717): Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat http://tfl.nu/dsa2
  Replies (7) Good night (1513) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

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  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (12324) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6849) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.

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  (208): I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single? (1-208): Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well. http://tfl.nu/96dv
  Replies (10) Good night (1496) Bad night (333)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (13198) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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  (941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq
  Replies (13) Good night (3103) Bad night (589)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

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  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (18194) Bad night (1177)