My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section