Texts From Last Night

jamz's Favorites Texts:

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

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  (630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92
  Replies (17) Good night (4550) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.

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  (415): Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself. http://tfl.nu/x6rs
  Replies (18) Good night (5344) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby

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  (859): Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby http://tfl.nu/0zlt
  Replies (13) Good night (4185) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...

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  (614): I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice... http://tfl.nu/gtdb
  Replies (7) Good night (2774) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

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  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5368) Bad night (1973) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

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  (307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc
  Replies (17) Good night (6184) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

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  (941): there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/bd1c
  Replies (8) Good night (4790) Bad night (652)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.

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  (360): We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced. http://tfl.nu/trxy
  Replies (4) Good night (3309) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

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  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1195) Bad night (3965) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message

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  (505): Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message http://tfl.nu/azaf
  Replies (7) Good night (4827) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself

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  (201): I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself http://tfl.nu/d62r
  Replies (34) Good night (2016) Bad night (3564) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

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  (614): All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave http://tfl.nu/wc16
  Replies (6) Good night (3129) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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  (716): You can't have your penis and eat it, too. http://tfl.nu/3eoi
  Replies (14) Good night (2231) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

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  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3701) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

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  (703): he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh (1-703): be sure to add "office slut" to your resume http://tfl.nu/3kje
  Replies (10) Good night (4696) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

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  (703): ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making http://tfl.nu/m2re
  Replies (10) Good night (3336) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

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  (570): I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking. http://tfl.nu/bpgb
  Replies (68) Good night (4313) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"

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  (512): he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls" http://tfl.nu/sggu
  Replies (6) Good night (1094) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute

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  (705): From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute http://tfl.nu/yhtx
  Replies (8) Good night (1357) Bad night (3981) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln

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  (785): this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln http://tfl.nu/pu0o
  Replies (3) Good night (3420) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.

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  (931): He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man. http://tfl.nu/ct9i
  Replies (31) Good night (6816) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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  (949): Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language. http://tfl.nu/y11c
  Replies (23) Good night (4412) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

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  (270): The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower http://tfl.nu/ihik
  Replies (17) Good night (6989) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (7931) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you

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  (+44): You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you http://tfl.nu/o2s0
  Replies (10) Good night (1456) Bad night (3309) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.

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  (+61): We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well. http://tfl.nu/yavz
  Replies (21) Good night (1800) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".

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  (239): While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth". http://tfl.nu/xyop
  Replies (6) Good night (4976) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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  (815): New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink. http://tfl.nu/5ry5
  Replies (13) Good night (6338) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.

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  (202): I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out. http://tfl.nu/ga8t
  Replies (3) Good night (4710) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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  (828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq
  Replies (12) Good night (3292) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

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  (573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m
  Replies (11) Good night (6163) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

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  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (24) Good night (9883) Bad night (819)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5279) Bad night (2309) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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  (434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears. http://tfl.nu/acnv
  Replies (41) Good night (12532) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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  (845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3
  Replies (14) Good night (1776) Bad night (3738) Order T-Shirt