Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf