As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
