I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
