Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that