my sisters under your porch take her home
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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