reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.