I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.