i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want