i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want