Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
