He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont even know how to be here
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're my little dorito
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation