Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.