youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section