Texts From Last Night

peoplewithaids's Favorites Texts:

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot

  (586): View more from Michigan

  That was very cool/italian of you

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving

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  (586): You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot (586): That was very cool/italian of you (586): Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving http://tfl.nu/l4rm
  Replies (10) Good night (1367) Bad night (392)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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  (815 ): His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. http://tfl.nu/efr0
  Replies (30) Good night (5520) Bad night (413)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2321) Bad night (319)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

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  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (790) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

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  (858): We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport. http://tfl.nu/he08
  Replies (87) Good night (1756) Bad night (12815)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26069) Bad night (1426)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.

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  (251): Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call. http://tfl.nu/u2ur
  Replies (8) Good night (1056) Bad night (3784) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense

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  (785): he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense http://tfl.nu/p2yr
  Replies (26) Good night (7973) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

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  (206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1
  Replies (71) Good night (5257) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (4829) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

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  (845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv
  Replies (9) Good night (5278) Bad night (763)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

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  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (4985) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

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  (917): I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant http://tfl.nu/lnj1
  Replies (40) Good night (4645) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

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  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
  Replies (10) Good night (4446) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

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  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

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  (917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki
  Replies (7) Good night (4375) Bad night (946)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

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  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (3987) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer

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  (813): The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer http://tfl.nu/rmdc
  Replies (18) Good night (3541) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

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  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (22) Good night (5939) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

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  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on

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  (540): it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on http://tfl.nu/dgug
  Replies (23) Good night (4952) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?

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  (515): you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night? http://tfl.nu/cew2
  Replies (16) Good night (3721) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

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  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (5533) Bad night (1121)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.

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  (845): i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now. http://tfl.nu/ygdu
  Replies (12) Good night (777) Bad night (3078) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

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  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5055) Bad night (1621)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

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  (503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v
  Replies (18) Good night (4728) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

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  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (4896) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  it's great music for shaving your balls

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  (850): it's great music for shaving your balls http://tfl.nu/etrw
  Replies (24) Good night (3559) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.

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  (480): We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids. http://tfl.nu/o5lf
  Replies (15) Good night (2929) Bad night (1162)
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  (818): View more from California

  two words...techno handjob

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  (818): two words...techno handjob http://tfl.nu/l83l
  Replies (31) Good night (4252) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.

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  (979): We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it. http://tfl.nu/1cxu
  Replies (26) Good night (7174) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt