he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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