She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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