Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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