shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You coming home soon, man?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That reminds me...we need to get swords
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This house was built for laser tag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.