Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
