Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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