I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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