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the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so explain again why im purple
no
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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