No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We need to rekindle our bromance
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down