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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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