We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
