Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what if I'm pregnant?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?