we're chasing vodka with high fives
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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