i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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