Texts From Last Night

auzzman29's Favorites Texts:

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

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  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26809) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.

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  (603): all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter. http://tfl.nu/9v6o
  Replies (17) Good night (4586) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.

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  (708): just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay. http://tfl.nu/cdim
  Replies (26) Good night (988) Bad night (5633) Order T-Shirt
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

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  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (98) Good night (3102) Bad night (64622) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.

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  (516): I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick. http://tfl.nu/gzhw
  Replies (15) Good night (4338) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.

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  (902): This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being. http://tfl.nu/gtcm
  Replies (8) Good night (3442) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.

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  (978): I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now. http://tfl.nu/xddc
  Replies (17) Good night (10962) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

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  (412): it was like getting a handjob from robocop http://tfl.nu/4yuu
  Replies (15) Good night (703) Bad night (3792) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.

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  (845): her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together. http://tfl.nu/creu
  Replies (5) Good night (1061) Bad night (3254) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (9) Good night (4758) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

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  (407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk
  Replies (21) Good night (8149) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

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  (413): I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets. http://tfl.nu/8b9j
  Replies (11) Good night (4674) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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  (315): My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships... http://tfl.nu/1r9u
  Replies (42) Good night (2884) Bad night (6376) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.

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  (706): I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor. http://tfl.nu/s5q7
  Replies (21) Good night (1840) Bad night (4181) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just want to hang out with her.

  (916): View more from California

  You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

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  (210): I just want to hang out with her. (916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you. http://tfl.nu/9qvp
  Replies (24) Good night (1509) Bad night (3494)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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  (847): I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it" http://tfl.nu/8m3i
  Replies (34) Good night (763) Bad night (3278) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4496) Bad night (8803)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

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  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5689) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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  (803): You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo http://tfl.nu/7wt5
  Replies (35) Good night (3750) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.

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  (732): So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up. http://tfl.nu/tcvy
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (8894) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.

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  (301): i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man. http://tfl.nu/s3bb
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (4000) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  How is Miami?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln

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  (530): How is Miami? (954): Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln http://tfl.nu/e6r8
  Replies (11) Good night (1174) Bad night (272)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

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  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5136) Bad night (3366)
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  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (7769) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39424)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5007) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

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  (314): not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now http://tfl.nu/x7uc
  Replies (10) Good night (2087) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?

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  (516): do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ? http://tfl.nu/or6i
  Replies (6) Good night (2443) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand

  (816): View more from Missouri

  team rage. no explanation necessary

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  (636): I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand (816): team rage. no explanation necessary http://tfl.nu/mquv
  Replies (2) Good night (1142) Bad night (2414)
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  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

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  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (5448) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.

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  (253): Best. Four. Twenty. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cry0
  Replies (42) Good night (6060) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt