Texts From Last Night

alilou606's Favorites Texts:

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  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (4875) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9054) Bad night (938)
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  (562): View more from California

  Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on

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  (562): Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on http://tfl.nu/30zy
  Replies (38) Good night (2166) Bad night (7369) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6575) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  And she used to have such long ones. Sad.

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  (918): Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm. (1-918): And she used to have such long ones. Sad. http://tfl.nu/v7eg
  Replies (23) Good night (848) Bad night (5271) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.

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  (925): his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch. http://tfl.nu/0vl7
  Replies (74) Good night (2972) Bad night (7463) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him

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  (732): His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him http://tfl.nu/bx2z
  Replies (8) Good night (646) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

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  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2047) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that

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  (214): Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that http://tfl.nu/hzhm
  Replies (33) Good night (3597) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.

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  (818): im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically. http://tfl.nu/np2a
  Replies (23) Good night (1595) Bad night (6163) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15811) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

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  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9413) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Clearly I went along with it

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  (732): she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her (732): Clearly I went along with it http://tfl.nu/y5y5
  Replies (5) Good night (4382) Bad night (718)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

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  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7447) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

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  (619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9
  Replies (11) Good night (3979) Bad night (1103)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24636) Bad night (3943)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

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  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (37) Good night (18322) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

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  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6007) Bad night (883)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.

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  (205): Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi. http://tfl.nu/x4zy
  Replies (43) Good night (1361) Bad night (3767) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.

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  (970): Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today. http://tfl.nu/sid7
  Replies (12) Good night (6705) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.

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  (785): My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/kbij
  Replies (25) Good night (5157) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.

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  (608): I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday. http://tfl.nu/an09
  Replies (33) Good night (2108) Bad night (10492)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

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  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker

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  (254): his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker http://tfl.nu/f6e1
  Replies (19) Good night (658) Bad night (8643)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.

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  (630): you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid. http://tfl.nu/ndn7
  Replies (5) Good night (5407) Bad night (1427) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong

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  (240): Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong http://tfl.nu/kgfp
  Replies (19) Good night (3392) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.

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  (425): Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away. http://tfl.nu/ldh5
  Replies (6) Good night (3618) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

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  (215): the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off http://tfl.nu/gmrh
  Replies (17) Good night (5222) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

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  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.

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  (928): She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon. http://tfl.nu/cf99
  Replies (31) Good night (8060) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  my dad is going to jail this weekend

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  where are we going to get our weed from?

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  (602): my dad is going to jail this weekend (1-602): where are we going to get our weed from? http://tfl.nu/lw00
  Replies (22) Good night (1937) Bad night (6179) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

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  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13105) Bad night (812)
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  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

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  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8440) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

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  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

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  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1248) Bad night (5714) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

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  (845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog
  Replies (15) Good night (1247) Bad night (4190) Order T-Shirt