I look better un-naked...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
