I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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