dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this