Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.