My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
