White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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