the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.