your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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