Texts From Last Night · bacardicmu's Favorites

bacardicmu's Favorites Texts:

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(406): View more from Montana

She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial

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(406): She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial http://tfl.nu/8xau

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(305): View more from Florida

Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

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(305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8

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(256): View more from Alabama

You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

(256): View more from Alabama

Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd

Replies (54) Good night (4915) Bad night (660)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?

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(780): So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends? http://tfl.nu/kqn5

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(530): View more from California

We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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(530): We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out." http://tfl.nu/0tb5

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(904): View more from Florida

Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

(1-904): View more from Florida

six.

(904): View more from Florida

Oh, I thought it was higher.

(1-904): View more from Florida

No, that would be the Matt's

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(904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg

Replies (33) Good night (6601) Bad night (1415)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

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(252): Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/r53x

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(314): View more from Missouri

we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.

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(314): we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them. http://tfl.nu/5z6d

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(515): View more from Iowa

theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

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(515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.

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(401): i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop. http://tfl.nu/anbh

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(586): View more from Michigan

I love black thongs

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(586): I love black thongs http://tfl.nu/wvjn

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?

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(403): You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something? http://tfl.nu/hj44

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Guess she heard her killer coming

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(973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

Replies (508) Good night (86213) Bad night (8429)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would do horrible things to your vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Prove it.

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(617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3

Replies (182) Good night (93623) Bad night (4626)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd

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(519): View more from Ontario

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap

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(732): View more from New Jersey

no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

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(732): no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck http://tfl.nu/y61e

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.

(856): View more from New Jersey

dear god, who put you in a cab?

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(267): duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19. (856): dear god, who put you in a cab? http://tfl.nu/6o92

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(541): View more from Oregon

I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.

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(541): I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall. http://tfl.nu/64r1

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...

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(978): you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool... http://tfl.nu/os9w

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(585): View more from New York

i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject

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(585): i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject http://tfl.nu/mz5t

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(316): View more from Kansas

You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.

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(316): You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath. http://tfl.nu/tem9

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(546): View more from

Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990

Replies (65) Good night (2706) Bad night (566)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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(252): We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job. http://tfl.nu/vj5r

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(443): View more from Maryland

I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.

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(443): I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites. http://tfl.nu/mbgc

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