i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.