it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"