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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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