It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
