Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
