Texts From Last Night

sexylexi13's Favorites Texts:

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.

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  (419): I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/xmxl
  Replies (10) Good night (2420) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

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  (303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5
  Replies (5) Good night (1806) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

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  (806): I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. http://tfl.nu/a0hw
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

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  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6263) Bad night (770)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."

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  (206): Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't." http://tfl.nu/2qab
  Replies (3) Good night (1728) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"

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  (218): you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen" http://tfl.nu/038r
  Replies (8) Good night (2602) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.

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  (620): Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians. http://tfl.nu/2mf6
  Replies (26) Good night (986) Bad night (4189) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel awful

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Physically or morally

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.

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  (513): I feel awful (1-513): Physically or morally (513): Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances. http://tfl.nu/3wvv
  Replies (10) Good night (2479) Bad night (624)
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  (310): View more from California

  The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?

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  (310): The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME? http://tfl.nu/y4zz
  Replies (7) Good night (2649) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

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  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (13) Good night (8184) Bad night (794)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.

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  (713): Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night. http://tfl.nu/wvak
  Replies (9) Good night (4142) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

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  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (3873) Bad night (762)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child

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  (330): I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child http://tfl.nu/htew
  Replies (8) Good night (1819) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

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  (952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e
  Replies (6) Good night (5537) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.

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  (303): Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever. http://tfl.nu/tsdi
  Replies (10) Good night (2712) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable

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  (732): wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5ca2
  Replies (15) Good night (6360) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

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  (818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8
  Replies (6) Good night (5637) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Blow your rape whistle

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  (336): Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar (1-336): Blow your rape whistle http://tfl.nu/5qj3
  Replies (22) Good night (2859) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2864) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying

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  (609): Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying http://tfl.nu/j2oh
  Replies (8) Good night (2733) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

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  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4236) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.

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  (647): Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever. http://tfl.nu/jdwu
  Replies (13) Good night (620) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133098) Bad night (5771)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142163) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173064) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!

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  (+44): he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?! http://tfl.nu/a2n2
  Replies (19) Good night (4520) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

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  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6560) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

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  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (3881) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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  (928): I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas! http://tfl.nu/f207
  Replies (9) Good night (3260) Bad night (711)