This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful