Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.