Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
