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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
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