We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.